American Psychological Association (APA) website listed 'bullying' as the current top hottest topic in psychology. It is a universal phenomenon. Hence, below is an article I wrote which is published on merinews.com an on-line Indian news-page. Link: http://www.merinews.com/article/how-to-handle-bullies-and-avoid-being-bullied/15892513.shtml
Bullying, only fun or on purpose? You
should know that you can stop it! When asked is it true that once a
bully, is always a bully? One may promptly say it's true, maybe. When
asked whether once bullied is always bullied?? One may ponder and the
response would be different. But it does make one think. Bullying is
repeated discomfort caused often appearing harmless. And hence, how many
in general realize that this could be more than plain co-incidental?
Tim Field, founder of anti-bullying organization in UK, says that
bullying thrives on ignorance, indifference and denial. It would not be
wrong to describe bullying as a tactful art of so-called unintentional
series of errors done to another. Here, the perpetrator believes that
purposefully generated discomfort will be ignored as "innocent" mistake
and/or it is too small a thing to be accounted as mistake or harmless.
The sufferer dismisses it and ignores these, thereby further encouraging the bully. Bullies gain confidence with lack of action from the victims and become assured their behaviours will never be out in open. It is not uncommon that, victims of bullying are oblivious to the fact that they are being bullied. Lack of understanding on the matter holds high relevance to its sustainability and repeated occurrence.
In India, bullying is scaling newer heights in recent years, with prominent news headlines reporting about it more frequently. India ranks third in the world in cyber-bullying and death of an 11 year old Kolkatta girl by alleged bullying at school, calls for massive public attention with immediate effect. Bullying is certainly not an act of fun anymore, but fatal and in cases even purposefully committed. With it, seriousness of the subject cannot go unnoticed. But, still bullying incidents are largely unreported. The question is, how have people of the country, dealt with severity of the matter?
Notably, attempts to curb "ragging" in colleges boast of anti-ragging campaigns and committees and some workplaces have established anti-harassment commissions. Although, attempts must be appreciated by the initiatives taken by respective institutions and organizations, the effectiveness of these programmes are questionable with predominance of bullying on campuses. There are still other places where infrastructure to stop such malicious activities is nearly absent.
We have read in several news papers of death by suicide caused by bullying. It is not a new phenomenon, and continues to become adverse. Negligence on the subject is evident when bullying receives lesser attention even for academic research. It reflects on the keenness amongst citizens to understand the matter and its significance as life threatening and chronically troubling activity.
Bullying, not always contributes to visible brutalities like death. And still, it is not-less-a contributor to slow death by depression, anxiety and social withdrawal. Performance level at work and school can be Axed down to levels of unproductivity and inactivity. Bullying has been faced by one and all at some point in life or other. Bullying is certainly not bravery or smartness and at the same time, being bullied is no sign of weakness.
However, it is important to put an end to it- irrespective of the fact, whether one is a bully or one being bullied. Major solutions are arrived at only when understood. One way to tackle bullying is through awareness. The topic requires to be addressed to general public and mis-concepts require to be cleared.
Bullying as popularly believed does not occur at school, college or work alone. But it can happen to everyone, at all age groups and almost anywhere. It could be at home by spouse or relative, at religious places, foreign country, hospitals and even on road. One must be aware and recognize signs of bullying to prevent it as well as stop it.
Bullying in general is defined as intimidation by abuse of power to force someone to do something. But, this can have different meaning in different contexts and arise out of different reasons. At school, bullying is commonly reported as physical assault by peers ad seniors and being 'left out' at the games. Forming of power groups, 'my team', 'my gang' and one is excluded out as misfit.
Teachers take refuge to unfair punishments and act out favoritism as acts of bullying. In school and colleges, rumors are carried out to tarnish ones image during adolescents. It does not change much at workplace when adults. However, during school and college one is largely advised to ignore rumors to remain unaffected, at workplace rumors are taken seriously and cause long lasting effect on reputation and further job prospects.
Bullying involves emotional abuse, physical abuse and/or sexual abuse. People ignore sexual assault owing to a myth that it will subside with time. It does not and encourages further advances. It requires to be reported. Physical abuse begins from slight elbowing and a push to being manhandled. This is something, most are aware of compared to emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is often less visible and least identified. This is also least understood. So, what are the signs of being bullied emotionally?
In her book, D'cruz defines workplace bullying as a purposeful emotional abuse arising out of 'unequal interpersonal relationship'. Especially at workplaces, emotional abuse is a major gratifying tool for bullies- an easy ground to to pin-point others' faults to hide their own inadequacies. It is persistent and it does not remain at that.
Bullies are often charismatic, manipulative, deceptive liars often appearing compassionate and others are sadist with no guilt. Bully's allies are political pawns and promoted to positions of influence, where as one being bullied will be denied any acknowledgement of contributions and achievements. Other major indicators of bullying at work are constantly being belittled, teased, shouted upon publicly, sarcastic remarks and mocked before a group.
This is generally when the bully is an extrovert. An introvert bully generally secretly builds rumours and other stories where he/she does not have to own up to their behaviours. An individual who is victim of bullying may find himself/herself isolated or receiving the 'silent treatment'. This too is not unintentional as it may appear. Isolation often trivialized as due to lack of popularity needs careful attention. When one is excluded from what's happening, attempts to mingle are persistently avoided under pretext of being busy, eye contact is avoided by groups when all messages are coming forth by email/ post-sticks, and any human interaction is barred … it is bullying!
Victims of such bullying become doubtful of self, socially withdraw and wrongly believe it as their own fault or unpopularity. Most certainly, it is not so. It plain bullying so that you react or do what the bully wants. Good performance, sincerity and un-compromised values are attractive targets for the bullies along with a visible vulnerability. Target of a bully could be anybody, even the target's friend. These offensive behaviours are intended to harm the recipient's reputation, confidence and ability to perform by deliberate generating of discomforting situations.
Handling bullies is difficult but possible. Apart from lack of understanding and being oblivious to being bullied; under-toned responses to complains discourage bullying instances to be further reported. Very less is done against it too by concerned officials. Above all, the bully gets threatened enough and becomes more aggressive to instill fear in the victim.
One important tip to handle a bully is to first acknowledge the discomforts. Being alert about bullying helps. Secondly, identify the bully but do not confront. Do not try to befriend the bully or be hostile. Keep safe distance. Be neutral. Focus on empowering self through focus at work and identify reliable support systems. Third tip is to avoid analyzing bully's motives. There could be none. Fourth tip is, it is easy to fall to provocations of the bully and commit undesirable reacting behaviors. Beware of bullying and avoid reactions. This could be something the bully wants his/her targets to do. It will give further opportunity to discredit you.
Lastly, it is necessary to remember that you are more important than the job and not take it too seriously. Getting acquainted with company policies and procedures should help. Additionally, managers of organizations must take complains of bullying with seriousness, since employee health is important and support should be extended. Family and friends must identify signs of undesirable change of behaviors and create an open space for the individual to share these concerns willingly. Professional help for counselling could also be approached.
The sufferer dismisses it and ignores these, thereby further encouraging the bully. Bullies gain confidence with lack of action from the victims and become assured their behaviours will never be out in open. It is not uncommon that, victims of bullying are oblivious to the fact that they are being bullied. Lack of understanding on the matter holds high relevance to its sustainability and repeated occurrence.
In India, bullying is scaling newer heights in recent years, with prominent news headlines reporting about it more frequently. India ranks third in the world in cyber-bullying and death of an 11 year old Kolkatta girl by alleged bullying at school, calls for massive public attention with immediate effect. Bullying is certainly not an act of fun anymore, but fatal and in cases even purposefully committed. With it, seriousness of the subject cannot go unnoticed. But, still bullying incidents are largely unreported. The question is, how have people of the country, dealt with severity of the matter?
Notably, attempts to curb "ragging" in colleges boast of anti-ragging campaigns and committees and some workplaces have established anti-harassment commissions. Although, attempts must be appreciated by the initiatives taken by respective institutions and organizations, the effectiveness of these programmes are questionable with predominance of bullying on campuses. There are still other places where infrastructure to stop such malicious activities is nearly absent.
We have read in several news papers of death by suicide caused by bullying. It is not a new phenomenon, and continues to become adverse. Negligence on the subject is evident when bullying receives lesser attention even for academic research. It reflects on the keenness amongst citizens to understand the matter and its significance as life threatening and chronically troubling activity.
Bullying, not always contributes to visible brutalities like death. And still, it is not-less-a contributor to slow death by depression, anxiety and social withdrawal. Performance level at work and school can be Axed down to levels of unproductivity and inactivity. Bullying has been faced by one and all at some point in life or other. Bullying is certainly not bravery or smartness and at the same time, being bullied is no sign of weakness.
However, it is important to put an end to it- irrespective of the fact, whether one is a bully or one being bullied. Major solutions are arrived at only when understood. One way to tackle bullying is through awareness. The topic requires to be addressed to general public and mis-concepts require to be cleared.
Bullying as popularly believed does not occur at school, college or work alone. But it can happen to everyone, at all age groups and almost anywhere. It could be at home by spouse or relative, at religious places, foreign country, hospitals and even on road. One must be aware and recognize signs of bullying to prevent it as well as stop it.
Bullying in general is defined as intimidation by abuse of power to force someone to do something. But, this can have different meaning in different contexts and arise out of different reasons. At school, bullying is commonly reported as physical assault by peers ad seniors and being 'left out' at the games. Forming of power groups, 'my team', 'my gang' and one is excluded out as misfit.
Teachers take refuge to unfair punishments and act out favoritism as acts of bullying. In school and colleges, rumors are carried out to tarnish ones image during adolescents. It does not change much at workplace when adults. However, during school and college one is largely advised to ignore rumors to remain unaffected, at workplace rumors are taken seriously and cause long lasting effect on reputation and further job prospects.
Bullying involves emotional abuse, physical abuse and/or sexual abuse. People ignore sexual assault owing to a myth that it will subside with time. It does not and encourages further advances. It requires to be reported. Physical abuse begins from slight elbowing and a push to being manhandled. This is something, most are aware of compared to emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is often less visible and least identified. This is also least understood. So, what are the signs of being bullied emotionally?
In her book, D'cruz defines workplace bullying as a purposeful emotional abuse arising out of 'unequal interpersonal relationship'. Especially at workplaces, emotional abuse is a major gratifying tool for bullies- an easy ground to to pin-point others' faults to hide their own inadequacies. It is persistent and it does not remain at that.
Bullies are often charismatic, manipulative, deceptive liars often appearing compassionate and others are sadist with no guilt. Bully's allies are political pawns and promoted to positions of influence, where as one being bullied will be denied any acknowledgement of contributions and achievements. Other major indicators of bullying at work are constantly being belittled, teased, shouted upon publicly, sarcastic remarks and mocked before a group.
This is generally when the bully is an extrovert. An introvert bully generally secretly builds rumours and other stories where he/she does not have to own up to their behaviours. An individual who is victim of bullying may find himself/herself isolated or receiving the 'silent treatment'. This too is not unintentional as it may appear. Isolation often trivialized as due to lack of popularity needs careful attention. When one is excluded from what's happening, attempts to mingle are persistently avoided under pretext of being busy, eye contact is avoided by groups when all messages are coming forth by email/ post-sticks, and any human interaction is barred … it is bullying!
Victims of such bullying become doubtful of self, socially withdraw and wrongly believe it as their own fault or unpopularity. Most certainly, it is not so. It plain bullying so that you react or do what the bully wants. Good performance, sincerity and un-compromised values are attractive targets for the bullies along with a visible vulnerability. Target of a bully could be anybody, even the target's friend. These offensive behaviours are intended to harm the recipient's reputation, confidence and ability to perform by deliberate generating of discomforting situations.
Handling bullies is difficult but possible. Apart from lack of understanding and being oblivious to being bullied; under-toned responses to complains discourage bullying instances to be further reported. Very less is done against it too by concerned officials. Above all, the bully gets threatened enough and becomes more aggressive to instill fear in the victim.
One important tip to handle a bully is to first acknowledge the discomforts. Being alert about bullying helps. Secondly, identify the bully but do not confront. Do not try to befriend the bully or be hostile. Keep safe distance. Be neutral. Focus on empowering self through focus at work and identify reliable support systems. Third tip is to avoid analyzing bully's motives. There could be none. Fourth tip is, it is easy to fall to provocations of the bully and commit undesirable reacting behaviors. Beware of bullying and avoid reactions. This could be something the bully wants his/her targets to do. It will give further opportunity to discredit you.
Lastly, it is necessary to remember that you are more important than the job and not take it too seriously. Getting acquainted with company policies and procedures should help. Additionally, managers of organizations must take complains of bullying with seriousness, since employee health is important and support should be extended. Family and friends must identify signs of undesirable change of behaviors and create an open space for the individual to share these concerns willingly. Professional help for counselling could also be approached.
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